East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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