Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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