I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
