He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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