i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
