i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
