I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
