We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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