drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
