I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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