I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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