wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
