I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
