I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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