i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
