i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Welp...herpes.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
