i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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