wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
