I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
