Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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