if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize