He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize