yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
