Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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