How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
