some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
