spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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