I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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