I just pynch a tree in the face
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
