after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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