I'm drive I can fine osifer
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
