Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
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I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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