'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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