You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
