so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
