Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
