I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
