i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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