i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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