I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
