I didn't shave. On purpose
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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