Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
