I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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