Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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