it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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