Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
