I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
