he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
