Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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