Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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