Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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