There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
