we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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