I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
