we're blogging at a bar
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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