How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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