He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
