It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
