he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
