Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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