I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I love you.
Bad choice
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
