Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
