can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
