I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry about my life...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
