3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She's the barista slut.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
