you win again, gameday.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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