He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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