Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
foreskin is a definite game changer
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
