you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
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Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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