I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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