Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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