I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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