Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
