You smell like a Billy Joel song
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
