So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
its not stalking. its research.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
