i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
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I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She's the barista slut.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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