it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
