peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
