She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
