mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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